After writing only one post in the last three years, the jury was out on if I’d ever return to this format as a creative outlet.
I hadn’t even scratched the surface of the songs, soundtracks and setlists that had shaped me before the stress of life took over and I didn’t have the bandwidth to keep at this. I also made the mistake of going public with it, sharing posts and links across my other social media channels, and when people didn’t respond the way I had hoped, I started to question if I was doing anything of value here.
I had a breakdown, not because of the blog, but because work took over and completely consumed my life and I had the most stressful year of my career. Then I recovered, and then we had the pandemic, which quickly became the most stressful year of my career.
I took time off during those early days of the pandemic, when I was still fragile from the previous stresses, to remember what made me feel balanced in my life and what made me happy. The answer was simple: writing. I picked up the novel I had been working on since 2007 and I finished writing it. I started writing short stories again. I’ve just recently started a comic strip.
And all the while, Tape The Night just sat here, collecting internet dust. I’d renew the hosting every year thinking, “I should really pick that up again,” and on March 10th of this year, I almost did.
On March 10th I read that Lou Ottens, the inventor of the cassette tape, had died, having outlived his invention by a good decade (at least according to the Oxford English Dictionary).
For the last month my mind has been returning again and again to this blog and why I started it in the first place.
As we face this third wave of the pandemic and I am once again feeling knocked back a step or two, it’s time to get back to writing more regularly and, in the case of this blog, I write about what I want to learn about. The music that has been the soundtrack to my life has another level to it that I’m not conscious of when I’m singing with the windows rolled down or dancing in the kitchen. The stories behind the songs and the music makers, the meanings of the lyrics I have sung for decades without really stopping to think about them, this is why this site exists.
And I don’t care if I’m the only one who ever ends up reading this.
Tape The Night exists because I want to write it more than I want people to read it.
Having finally returned to that rationale and feeling that balance and synchronicity again inside me, all I can say to the nobody who will read this is: it’s good to be back.
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Weezer – Red Album
For me it goes Blue, Red, Pinkerton, in order, for top three Weezer albums, and one of the reasons for that is the album features the song, “Heart Songs”.
“Heart Songs” is one of Rivers’ most personal songs and everything about the song fills me up with the same emotions and sense of purpose that this blog does.
Nostalgia, inspiration, remembering who you were and how you came to be the person you are now… these are the themes I find extremely fulfilling to explore.
When the song hits the Nirvana verse and Rivers’ channels his best Cobain when he sings “had a baby on it”, I get that sense of elation… that’s the only word for it… because we already feel we know the end of the story he has been telling in the early verses and that moment is the validation that we’ve been right all along.
Rivers on Nirvana being such a huge inspiration and when he first heard Nirvana (from Rolling Stone):
“I was working at Tower Records on Sunset Boulevard in the spring of ’91, and another cashier, Harold, said, “Hey, Rivers, I know something you might like. It’s called Nirvana.” As soon as I heard “Mom and Dad went to a show” [from “Sliver”], I immediately started dancing around. It was exactly how I felt, and they were putting it to music. It inspired me to do the same thing.”
And then, after the Nirvana lyrics, the song brings the listener, you and I, right into it and we become a part of the story.
Make a record of our own
A song comes on the radio and now people go “This is the song”
It’s what I like to call, “The Bastian Moment”.
Weezer at the Warehouse was my first major concert. It was 1994, the Blue Album was exploding, the Happy Days infused video for “Buddy Holly” was on constant play on MuchMusic and Weezer was coming to Toronto that August. I had just turned 17 and had seen a number of bands and shows during the day (my first actual concert was The Pursuit of Happiness playing for free on a Saturday afternoon at the corner of Yonge and Shuter the year previous), but Weezer would be my first time going out with friends, at night, to a rock show.
God bless the Internet – here’s the setlist.
I had never seen anything like it. The lights, the crowd, the wristbands for beers I couldn’t get, this was my first show.
And they killed it. I don’t think I stopped smiling for three days, which was right about when my ears stopped ringing.
To bring it all back, the Blue Album is FILLED with my own personal Heart Songs that I’m sure will populate future posts on this blog.
And I didn’t even know this prior to writing, but Weezer doesn’t play “Heart Songs“ live, so you won’t hear it at one of their shows.
I did come across this interview below with Rivers where there are a number of performances; fast-forward to the 24 minute mark to hear him speak about “Heart Songs” and then hear a mashup of “Heart Songs” and “In The Garage” that just rocks.
And that is why I write here: not only to remember what has shaped me and revel in the glow of nostalgia, but to peel back the layers a little and hopefully discover something new along the way.
This is my HeartBlog.
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Further Reading: Into The Lyrics
Check out the Genius lyrics for all the references Rivers makes in the song.