It is autumn and I am driving on a single-lane highway in the Ottawa valley heading home to the cottage after a day trip away. The leaves are triumphant and the mist in the air gives them an extra shine as the fading sunlight gives way to a sky darker blue.
Through the radio comes this song – “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” by Death Cab For Cutie – and the whole world just. stops. A freeze-frame of fall perfection and I slow my car to keep pace and I am now a living postcard filled with yellows, reds, oranges, still winds and tears.
There are many songs that take me back to a specific moment in time, but very few that consistently, every time I hear them, take me back to the moment I first heard them.
The song was recorded accidentally on purpose as during a break in recording, lead guitarist Chris Walla just started playing it and the mics were still running. The band quickly decided they liked the sound and set up immediately to record. It was in that moment of innocent strumming that the emotions the songs carry were born.
I’ve heard covers and other versions, but that original recording remains the most intense.
The song is beautifully simple and entirely complex; my mind doesn’t know what to do with the usually competing emotions of sadness and hope that, here, are intertwined effortlessly.
It played on the radio this morning and has stuck with me all day. That first listen on that autumn evening still came back to me but the song has been able to withstand the changes in my life since those times and now it is a new face and a new embrace that I picture every time this song comes on.
Here’s another version, live this time.
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I’ll be close behind
I’ll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
Or tunnels, to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
[Chorus]
If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
I held my tongue as she told me, “Son
Fear is the heart of love,” so I never went back
[Chorus]
If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It’s nothing to cry about
Cause we’ll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
[Chorus]
If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
I’ll follow you into the dark
* * * * *
Further Reading:
The Genius lyric-read on this is great.
Further Listening:
Bright Eyes “First Day Of My Life”
This is a beautiful song, similar in tone to I Will Follow You Into The Dark but celebrating the opposite end of the circle of life. The video is a wistful, charming celebration of love that makes me tear up every time I see it. But then again, I can be a giant baby about such things. Let me know if it affects you the same way.